I flopped down on my chair rolling myself slowly closer to the desk, … So what will I write on this page, I thought to myself and my story about “Leah Robertson” wasn’t the best, I know I have way better stories than this, my thoughts were swelling and spinning in my head the more I listened to my thoughts the more crazier my story got, It wasn’t even connecting the dots to match the storyline, of the detective Leah Robertson, I just knew the publishers wouldn’t want to listen to my dumb boring, crazy, scary story for a fact.
Well, I quite like the story about Leah Robertson. I love the picture of thoughts swelling and spining. Interesting use of commas. Did you mean to use commas excessively, instead of stopping with some full stops? It actually fits in with the idea of a mind full of crazy thoughts rushing around.
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