Mum glanced across the hallway.
“Gabby! Clean your room. Mum demanded.
“Whatever!?” Gabby's room was full of color, bursting out of the drawers were craft foam, glue, beads, and feathers. Gabby liked her room and from her vision her room was clean. Not Mum's vision. I started picking up things and placing them on my shelf. Until I heard a rattling noise coming from under the bed. I knelt down and pulled my cover back, I pulled out a box. Dust covered it from head to toe.
“Achoo!”. Gabby sneezed. Mum walked in, to check on gabby.
“Oh hi, Mum I found this box under my bed?”.
“Come sit down and I will show you. This is my dream box. Ever since I was your age I filled it up with postcards and glitter. When you were a baby I hid it under your bed, hoping one day you would find it and you did!”
“ Wow Mum, I didn’t know this about you.”
“Now it's yours. I love you.”
“Thank you.”
“Now hurry up and clean your room before dinner.
The end
I love your interctions betweent Gabby and Mum. I can see the relationship they have. Mum is kind and loving, but she wnyts that room tidied up.
ReplyDeleteYou juggle between first person i.e. a story told by the character (using words like I and my), and third person i.e. a story told about the character (usig words like she, he, Gabby). Is it Gabby liked her room, or I liked my room?